Unready.

No one would be able to tell you with a straight face that our world is a perfect one, or at the very least I have yet to meet anyone who can. I mean it's obvious that it simply isn't the case, besides the whole idea of perfection being unobtainable it's also obvious with all the pain, suffering, and unneeded death that surrounds us everyday.

Everyone deals with this grim reality in different ways, some choose to do nothing, surrendering to the idea that it's simply how the world is. Others try and change the world, they protest, they volunteer, or they dedicate their lives to social activism.

Personally, I waffle. Much of the time I choose to do little to challenge the injustices of this world, but occasionally I do lend my voice to a cause or give my time and money to those that need it. Why I don't do more is not out of laziness, more of caution.

I try not to become obsessed with things that I cannot change. Unfortunately there is much I can't change, for the simple reason that many of our problems are a result of other people that I cannot control. Sometimes I am tempted to become angry with those people, tempted to hate them, sometimes I even wonder why these people fail to wake up and see what the hell they are doing. I even entertain the thought that such people may be stupid or foolish, I am however quick to abolish such thoughts. For I always realize that at that point I'm not talking about helping the world or humanity, but I'm focusing on myself instead. I'm selfishly focusing on how I think the world should work.

At that point the goal shifts from helping others, and alleviating suffering, to satisfying my own ego by pushing my vision. This is how ego works, it's like an evil genie, it can turn your wishes of good intentions against those who were the original recipients.

A fine example of this is my last post, Furious Fanatic Fanfare, where I put up exerts from Youtube of people who believe that Islam must be destroyed at all cost, for the good of all. It can be said that many on that comment board could just be hate filled bigots looking for someplace to toss out their garbage, but how many on that thread believe that what they are fighting for is going to help everyone? Probably more than we would like to believe. They are even willing to force others to accept their cause, which is made sorely evident in how they responded to my opposing view. A response which was paranoid, violent, and spiteful. This is what happens when one loses sight of the true goal of helping anyone, which is to help them and not force them into capitulation. Helping someone is not about force, no, helping someone is about giving freely and without expectation, it should be about true compassion.

This is perhaps why I still have yet to find my true path in life. Perhaps I have to help people, but I know that I'm not ready to do it just yet. I still am tempted by that little voice that wants me to look down on people who I see as part of the problem. I am still tempted to become angry with those who are unwilling to change. I am still tempted to follow a vision of a utopia rather than follow true compassion.

I must help myself before I can help anyone else.