Stone Cold Crazy

So some days I have trouble holding on to a single thought, actually most days I do, and today was one of those days. I thought of many things while I stood vigilantly at my post today, trying my best to hock aged white cheddar to octogenarians. The age white cheddar didn't go so well but the severe boredom I experienced gave me the opportunity to retreat into my mind and neglect my work by becoming lost in my thoughts. What follows is what I brought back from my little mental walkabout.

Making everyday more entertaining

I have some ideas to make work days more exciting for everyone. One I want there to be another colour on the light, it will be blue and when the blue light comes on people can do what ever they want. They can get out of their cars and dance on the hood, moon everyone in sight, or do lines of coke right off the dashboard. The blue light will last for an unknown period of time each time, and if you are late for work all you need to do is tell your boss, "Blue Light".

Hell yes!

Give us the right to challenge rude people to duels, with the person challenging being allowed to choose any non-lethal ridiculous object as the weapon. Like cucumbers, or large bags of marshmallows. The loser has to apologize to the winner. I would challenge people to duel with foamy swords.

Free beer for everyone, even the children, especially the children. Maybe they would stop crying if they were drunk.

Jeans day? Boring. Novelty hat day? Bingo.

I Used to Enjoy Elections

I never really gave much thought to how important it can be to keep your election choices to yourself. I never get bent out of shape about the choices other people make, why should they get bent out of shape about my choices? Stupid, stupid, stupid. People want excuses to get bent out of shape, and one of my coworkers was very kind to demonstrate this fact for me today. Like I said, I was dumb enough to mention who I was voting for, which she took incredible offense to. This didn't throw me off though, no my coworker would say something that scared me even more. Here is a brief, paraphrased version of our conversation,

Mr.C: Ok so you don't care for my party because you think the party leader is a bitch? But you'd vote for your party despite all their recent improprieties and scandal?

What Crazy will look like in 20 or so years.

Crazy: Yeah, every party has its scandals, that's politics.

At this point another coworker of mine comes in.

Mr.C: Hey N, <recaps everything that has occurred up tell then>.

N: Every government has scandals, you could start a government and you would have scandals.

Mr.C: Governments only have scandals because we allow them to, they only get away with these things because we let them. We need accountability and greater transparency.

N: The government can't tell us everything, if they did it would be chaos in the streets. What if the world was going to end in 2 years, no 2 months would you want them to tell us even though it would result in mass chaos?

Mr.C: Yes, wait no, what? How does that example even apply? You're taking the most extreme situation in which no one wins anyway and saying that it proves me wrong even though there is no desirable option in that situation. That doesn't make any sense.

N: It still applies.

Crazy: That's right!

Mr.C: Ok then since you both are so keen on the extremes, let me give my own example.

Crazy: Oh shit here we go!

Note: Apparently me expressing myself during such a conversation is unforgivable enough of a crime to warrant an outburst.

Mr.C: If you are both so keen on the government controlling things for our own good then why don`t we just abolish democracy, take away voting rights, have one party decide everything, anything they want, as long as they are doing it for the country? Does that sound good to you both?

Crazy: Yeah, it would make things easier.

N: Why not?

Mr.C: Well then let's do it.

Crazy: <In the smarmiest way possible> I guess we can agree on something then!

What the fuck? Why even vote if you don't give a shit? WHY!? Why participate in a democracy if you would be fine with having all of your rights and freedoms stripped away from you? It doesn't make sense. Jesus I almost pine for a Starship Troopers style democracy where only people who are serious about becoming citizens get the right to be, and everyone else can be happily vapid. Unfortuntely that would still be an authoritarian regime, so I have to oppose it on principle.

And I used to like elections.

On Proper Etiquette when Sampling Free Goods

Don't love them too much, or that's a stabbing.

Here are some very important etiquette tips when you are visiting your local sample dispensary.

1. Be polite, say hi, thank you, and please. Just remember your manners, it's important to do this as the samplers are often given big knives and you don't know when they could snap.

2. Don't take more than one or two samples. Taking eight is definitely out of the question, remember big sharp knives, plus frayed nerves, equals stuck pig.

Just two easy tips to remember to make your next experience at the sampling table fun, tasty, and stabbing free.

This was my day, I hope you enjoyed it more than me.