Greatest Hits

Youtube is truly a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

I have a love hate relationship with Youtube, although it tends to veer more towards the hate side of things for the most part. You can imagine that I rarely spend much time there, and it's true I only head that way when I'm feeling particularly masochistic.

Mostly my visits to Youtube are rather painful, but very rarely Youtube manages to do something other than erode the bedrock of my will to live, and when that happens I mark the occasion by bookmarking the page.

So today I've selected four videos which for various reasons have made there way on to my greatest hits list. So enjoy or don't, I mean you might hate Youtube more than me.

Greatest Death in a Badly Dubbed Kung Fu Flick

The movie Iron Monkey is a passable piece of Hong Kong martial arts cinema; the fight scenes are what you expect, the story is overdone, and the dubbing is terrible (which works in its favour actually). So why at any point would this film garner a greatest anything?

Because a dude is offed with a grape.

Yes you read that right, a man is killed with a grape, and you can see it by skipping over to the 5 minute and 55 second mark and watching till 6 minutes and five seconds.

Did you watch it? Awesome isn't it? Death by grape. It's made even better by the look of extreme disappointment on the bad guys face when he realizes that the Iron Monkey didn't fall for his grape attack. Pure comedy gold.

Bonus! Watch from 6 minutes 40 seconds, things get a little ridiculous at that point.

Greatest Example of Homicidal Rage in the Animal Kingdom

Hamsters aren't the most exciting pets, they pretty much just eat, sleep, get fat, and run on that little wheel of theirs. Turtles are cooler. 

Of course there are exceptions to every rule,

I didn't know that hamsters did this, hell the worst I've ever received from a hamster is a little nibble when the little bugger thought my little finger was food. But this evil little hamster, well he loves the taste of flesh, either that or he hates communists and mistook the Russian youths in this video for a bunch of pinkos. Easy mistake to make. 

Greatest Example of Cross Species Nicotine Addiction

Kittens are fantastic, they do cute things, they look cute, and I'm sure that they taste delicious. When they have a crippling nicotine addiction though, well the cute goes real quick and they tend to become tough and stringy. That's why any responsible pet owner will do there best to help their itty bitty kitty kick the habit before it gets this bad,

I think the cute little kitty needs a cute little intervention. 

Greatest Example of AWWWWWW SOOOOOO Cute!

Warning the following video may result in cavities and type 2 diabetes because it's soooooo sweet!

Don't judge me, I just gave you three videos in which people and animals were either attacking or dieing in hilarious ways. So I am allowed at least one of these.

 

OMIGOD SO CUTE! I want one.